Setting Healthy Boundaries
Protect your peace this Holiday season and beyond.
You’ve likely heard of the importance of having healthy boundaries, but what does that actually mean? Boundaries can be defined as limits you identify for yourself and apply through action or communication to protect your time and energy.
Another way to think about boundaries is like a property line. You may see a fence or a “NO TRESPASSING” sign, which clearly indicates a boundary or even a consequence. Of course these boundaries are much easier to see and understand whereas personal boundaries require a bit more communication.
Why are boundaries important?
Having set, personal boundaries:
- is an essential piece of self-care and self-respect
- allow you to set limits for healthy relationships
- enable you to communicate your needs in a relationship
- encourage you to make space for your feelings and emotions
- facilitates more positive interactions with others
Often, we go beyond our comfortable limits and push boundaries because we feel guilty about something or feel as though we need to live up to a certain expectation that has been set for us. This can lead to feelings of discomfort and resentment.
So while setting boundaries may be uncomfortable at first, it’s essential for your overall well being.
How do you define your boundaries?
When it comes to setting healthy boundaries in your life, the first step is determining where and what those boundaries are. As you go through your day, take note of what actions make you uncomfortable, then decide how much of those actions you can tolerate and accept. As you determine where you choose to draw the line in every situation, consider your physical, emotional, and mental limits.
Here are a few examples to get you thinking:
- If you consider yourself an introvert and it takes a lot out of you to go out on the town with friends, take some time to think about how that extra energy affects your physical, emotional, and mental health. Are you physically exhausted the day after a night of socializing? If so, do you need to decline certain invitations in the future or is there a way you can plan to recharge the next day and make space for that?
- When you’re in a situation that you don’t feel great about, check in to see if you’re feeling discomfort or resentment, then ask yourself what could be influencing that feeling. Is it the way an interaction is going? Does the other person have a specific expectation that’s bothering you? Do you feel as though you’re being taken advantage of? Or unappreciated? How can you communicate that or avoid this type of situation in the future?
- Consider your work environment. Is it normal for your coworkers to work beyond the 8-hour workday? This feeling of wanting to measure up could be wreaking havoc on your physical and mental health. Is this truly a requirement of your job or can you meet the expectations of your employer during standard business hours? Do you need to have a conversation with your boss about it?
Once you define your boundaries, you will need to communicate them.
Tips for communicating boundaries :
When we first start practicing setting boundaries, it can feel challenging. We might feel guilty, afraid, or self-conscious but it’s important to remember that setting limits will help make relationships healthier in the long-run.
- Start small. Before you tackle important relationships or significant life changes, start with something small that doesn’t seem super threatening to you. This could include scheduling time blocks for work, exercise, a meal or self-care.
- Get support. Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries.
- Communicate clearly. When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully, and concisely.
- Take action. If you set a boundary, follow through with it. Stay strong; don’t give in.
- Learn to say no. If your plate is full, it’s OK to say “no” or “not right now”.
- Take the emotions out of it. You’re not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you’re setting. You’re only responsible for communicating your boundary in a respectful manner. If it upsets them, know it is their problem.
Like any new skill, communicating and maintaining boundaries will take practice. You deserve to be comfortable in everyday situations as often as possible. If you have the opportunity to make your day easier or less stressful, why not do it? Remember, boundaries can protect your time and energy and these days that is priceless!
Krissy Nevero is a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner and Integrative Nutrition Health Coach based in Sonoma, California. To learn more about Krissy and her services, please visit her website: www.regainhealthcoaching.com
